Heartache

My heart aches everyday. I am struggling so much with this miscarriage that I just had a month ago. Everyone around me is getting pregnant, which bothers be soooo much. I am not mad at any of them but I wish people would take in to consideration of what they type or say to me knowing that I am having major problems, I am not going to ignore them or anything but I am fasting from FB and Myspace. Maybe by the time I get back on there the people will have it out of their systems about the babies. Maybe by then I will be pregnant, and yes I will be off that long. I may even give my account up on both sites, so I dont have to worry about it anymore, call it copping out or just plain rude but it helps me deal with my struggles and the things that are hurting me.

I want to wait on God more than anything but it is so freaking hard. I am so impatient it isnt funny. I want a 2nd baby more than I want to go to school and get an education. I love children and it hurts to see and hear Jaden ask me to give her a little brother or sister. I want to do that more than anything and I would be if my child wasnt taken from me. Sometimes I feel that the baby was ripped from my being. I get mad at God, alot when I think about that. I wonder daily why anyone woman must go through what I went through, it is the worst feeling and thought I have ever gone through, it has messed me up physically and mentally.

Dont get me wrong I love my daughter more than anything but I want to have a baby with my husband and have a family and live in a nice house and grow old knowing that my children are godly christian kids and people. I would do anything for my daughter, she is my life and it is the most wonderful feeling of love. No one and I mean no man or woman could ever make me not love her with all my life, I would die for her in a heart beat. If I had to choose between my daughter or husband, I would honestly choose my daughter, she is my life and world!

I wish all the woman around me that are pregnant all the best and the world. I know some of them struggled to get where they are at, and I pray that they will not have to go through all the stuff they have already gone through again. I pray for them daily, that nothing goes wrong with their pregnancy. I also pray for the woman I know that are struggling with not having any kids and want them more then anything. God said he wanted us to multiply and I know He will bless us all, but I know some of us are struggling with WAITING.