3 Days Late

Well I am 3 days late in my cycle. I think I might be pregnant, but I am going to wait 2 more days to just see.

Leanna thinks I am. Hs esays she has a feeling, she told me she had the same feeling when my sister Heather announced that she was.

Joel thinks I am since he has been telling all his co worker that I am. I told him to be careful who you tell, just in case. He asks me everytime he talks to me, have you started yet and I keep telling him NO! 

In 2 days I will find out and then I will announce it to everyone!

Worried

Oh My, I am going to crazy, I have lost my engagement ring. I have looked high and low and have destroyed my clean house that I have spent all day trying to get back together since I have had these chest pains. 

I am not sure what Joel is going to do but I know he may be made. I am praying that the Lord will help me with finding it before Joel gets home. 

If i dont find it I guess I am going to have to use my woman wilds, lol! 

I hate worrying about things, God take this problem from me. 

On another note, my anniversary is coming up in Sept. I cant wait, it will my 3 yrs. I am going to to a Blink 182 concert, All American rejects, fal out boy and some other band are going to be there, but I dont know that band. Then we might go to the aquarium or the zoo or maybe even the Coke Factory! Yay for me!

Wonderment

Well alright where to begin. Lately everyone around me is getting pregnant, and thank the Lord. I am happy for all of them.

Heather(sister) 4 weeks

Leanna(friend) 8 weeks

Stephani(friend) 5 months

They will all be wonderful mothers again, since they all have one already. 

Heather has a 3 yr old boy

Leanna has a 9 month old little boy

Stephani has a 3 yr old girl

As I sit here and are being happy for them, I am also a little in wonderment, because they all told me that they really werent trying that just had sex. Well I have been doing that same thing with my husband of 3 yrs and nothing has happened yet. It does hurt a lot that it hasnt, because I want to have another one so bad. I pray to God all the time to bless Joel and I with another child. Sometimes I feel that God isnt answering my prayers because of something I did or didnt do or he just isnt listening to me. Well I feel that way alot. Maybe I havent grown enough in my faith, or maybe I feel like I am lying to myself. I have no clue, and I wish I did. I know several other women who are wanting have children and I also wonder if they ever feel that way I do sometimes when someone around them tells them that they are pregnant, or if it is just me. Or if they feel the same way about God answering their prayers. 

I have been told that I am jealous, I dont want to put it that way because I am not jealous, I am just a little sad and hurt that it hasnt happened to me. I know that Bible says we are not suppose to be jealous of others, so I try not to be jealous, but on occasion I do get that way, but not about this. I am extremely happy for all of the women around me that are getting pregnant. I cant wait until all their tummies get big so I can touch it!!!! 

thats all I have for now. Maybe another day I will have something entertaining to type about or not! It is only my mind wondering and getting in the way sometimes!

Home Sick

I sit here by myself at home while my husband is at work and I talk to my sisters in Indiana, or I see Leah's family talking about it in their status. I miss my home so much. I miss my family and friends that are there. I dont really have any friends down here but family and I want friends that I can hang our with. One of my good friends just had her baby boy and I wasnt there and I wanted to be there so bad. My heart aches to be home, but Joel wont move up there. BOOOHOO! I have been wanting to go visit my grandfathers grave and talk to him and let him know that I miss him more then anything in the world. I was so close to him. It will be 5 years since he has past in Sept. My heart breaks everytime I think about it or think about him. He was one man that I knew would always be there for me when I needed him most and now he is not here with me because God has taken him. I cry alot when I talk about him or realize that the anniversary of his death is coming soon. No one knows how it feels. I need him, I need to talk to him, I need to hear him say "I love you Ayla!" I want to tell him, that I am sorry for all the wrong that I did when I lived with him. I want to hug him! I miss the smell of his Eucalyptus back rub(lotion)!

I want to go home so much! I need to go home! Georgia is where I live but it will never be home for me.