First Fire 2009

Well, this past weekend was our annual knights First Fire, It was awesome. I had so much fun with friends and family. We had people come all the way from Iowa and family come from Savannah. We camped, cooked over the fire, talked and laughed. We also froze..lol!

Friday night we lit the first fire of the year, as a renewal in our lives.

Saturday morning, we Knighted Lindsey!

that afternoon we had our demostrations.

We passed out Candy to the kids.

Sunday, we had church service around the camp fire since it was chilly.

Then some of us ate lunch and then packed up and headed home.

It was an eventful weekend.

I also got a lamb and a reunion heart from Lindsey. It made me cry, even though I didnt cry at the camp, when I got home and read the heart and knew what the lamb stood for, it made me cry. But I know God has a purpose for what He is doing in my life.

Since my miscarriage, I have been talking to another woman who went through one recently too. I have helped her as much as I can, since I am still struggling with it. I believe I will always struggle with it, but with god by my side, I will not let it over come me to the point I am bitter and mean.

First Day at Work.

Well I started my first day at work, I clean my sister in laws house since both her and her husband work 8-5 everyday but the weekends. It is work, so dont judge me, all my money earned is for christmas for me and jaden, since Joel isnt getting anything else from me..lol. He got his gun and all the things that he needed to get with it.

I am getting Jaden a twin bed, clothes, and bicycle!

I just want make-up and the make-up brushes!

So I also went to the doctor today, because I have been having problems, well I found out that I have a UTI, which cranberry juice will solve that..LOL! I hate having them, I get them really easy, and it sucks big monkey butt.

I am getting everything ready for camping this weekend. I cant wait, YAY! My friend all the way from Iowa, is coming down with her husband to camp with us during First Fire! My Aunt Lori and Uncle Ralph and their 2 girls are also coming! We are going to have a blast!

Miss Debbie is inviting my mother to come for Thanksgiving dinner with the family, so that ought to be a suprise. I guess I will see how that turns out.

My husband moved around the living room, and again left me to clean it all up...grr, I hate when men do that. But I got it all cleaned and now I am ready to relax.

I got my laptop working again, all I needed was a powercord and I finally got one, so now I dont have to use my husbands anymore. Yippeee!

God is awesome and amazing. He has blessed me so much this year. It is hard to imagine sometimes. But I know I have a God that loves me for who I am.

Lord, I come to you tonight thanking you for all the blessings you have given me and my family, I ask that you continue to bless us. You are a worthy and awesome God, I give you praise and give you the glory for all things great in the world. Give me the strength and the will to spread your word. I also come to you to help me with my praying out loud in front of people, I want to do it so bad, but when I try nothing comes out. Help me please. In your wonderful name, Amen!

Sometimes

Sometimes, I get jealous really easy. Thats one thing about me that I do not like. I am trying to change that, but I know it will take time.
I have changed alot in the past 3 years and I wouldnt go back for anything. I love my life now I just wish and want things to be better and the way I want it. I pray daily that the Lord with help me with my jealousy. It hurts to see people with things that I want and it seems like that didnt have to work for it, or that they were blessed with it because they couldnt wait so they jumped right into it. My husband wont jump into big things, except buying a hand gun, but whatever, if it is bigger then that or if it is my dream I have to wait. I hate waiting. I am the most impatient person anyone will ever meet. I love my husband so much but I have thought about leaving because he is not giving me what I want and he makes me wait. I grew up spoiled and to not be spoiled now sucks big butt.

On another hand, I have gotten better since my miscarriage. My body is going back to normal. My feelings have been delt with and the Lord is helping me through this just as I asked Him too. He is with me wherever I am and is giving me the strength to get through this. I know now that there is a greater purpose in this and I am going to let it happen. My Lord with not forsake me, he will always be true to his words!

To much....

There has been to much going on since my last post. I fund out that I had a miscarriage, the baby died at 5 weeks 6 days, but I didnt start having symtoms until almost 2 weeks later, which is common. I have been told that God has a better plan for the baby then the baby being here on earth. I believe that! But I dont understand how God can bless someone with something and then rip it from them, my heart hurts and I mourne over the loss. I thought I was over it and okay to move on but I cry alot when no one is watching or around. I had a special bond with the baby even though I never got to see it, but all mothers that are expecting have that special bond with the child that is in the womb, that no one else has. So husbands may not know how to react or what to do because they have no idea what we are going through, sometimes it is hard for me because I want him to be sad and show emotion for our lost, I mean I am not the only one that made it possible, he did have a part in the making of the baby. But I am trying to give him his space, he has told me he has cried and that he is extremely sad, but I believe I need to see those feelings and emotions. Call me wrong for wanting that but I need that. I need to know he cares what I am going through.

The 30th was 3 years for me and my husband. It doesnt seem like it has been that long but it has. I love him with all my heart and soul. I know that he was the one and only man for me, when I married him, I knew God placed me in the right place with the right man. We or he may struggle with alot of things that God is trying to put in motion, but I know as long as I keep praying and knowing and having faith I know we or he will get where we are suppose to be. I have always heard that the first 5 years of a marriage are the most difficult, so 2 more years for me..LOL!
I had a wonderful time with my husband on the 29th. We went out to eat at Ruby Tuesday, which is my favorite place to eat when we have the money since it cost so much!!! I had an Asian Salmon, it was so awesome! Then we went downtown to Buffs and listened to all the drunks get up and sing kareoke..LOL! Maybe one day I will get over my stage fright and get up there(sober) and sing..LOL!

I am praying for friends that are close to me that are going through trials. I know God is in control. He will get her through this trial and all the others that may come her way.

Marielle and Jason, got their dog Ceasar back, they had to take him to the vet to get his leg fixed but he is doing well. They are still waiting on their other dog, Little Foot to come back, I pray that she will make it back. They have seen her outside a few times, I pray that she just comes home to be with a family that really loves her.

First Fire is coming up, going to go camping!!!

I cried lastnight when Joel and I talked about christmas, because I would have started to have a tummy. It hurts so bad. Lord Jesus give me the strength to get through this loss. I always thought I would never be one of the women that have miscarriages, but now I am and I believe that I will have a purpose in this world.

I do thank the Lord for giving me the opprotunity to concieve, even though I didnt carry full term, I know I will have a healthy baby one day. My Lord is awesome and gracious!