To much....

There has been to much going on since my last post. I fund out that I had a miscarriage, the baby died at 5 weeks 6 days, but I didnt start having symtoms until almost 2 weeks later, which is common. I have been told that God has a better plan for the baby then the baby being here on earth. I believe that! But I dont understand how God can bless someone with something and then rip it from them, my heart hurts and I mourne over the loss. I thought I was over it and okay to move on but I cry alot when no one is watching or around. I had a special bond with the baby even though I never got to see it, but all mothers that are expecting have that special bond with the child that is in the womb, that no one else has. So husbands may not know how to react or what to do because they have no idea what we are going through, sometimes it is hard for me because I want him to be sad and show emotion for our lost, I mean I am not the only one that made it possible, he did have a part in the making of the baby. But I am trying to give him his space, he has told me he has cried and that he is extremely sad, but I believe I need to see those feelings and emotions. Call me wrong for wanting that but I need that. I need to know he cares what I am going through.

The 30th was 3 years for me and my husband. It doesnt seem like it has been that long but it has. I love him with all my heart and soul. I know that he was the one and only man for me, when I married him, I knew God placed me in the right place with the right man. We or he may struggle with alot of things that God is trying to put in motion, but I know as long as I keep praying and knowing and having faith I know we or he will get where we are suppose to be. I have always heard that the first 5 years of a marriage are the most difficult, so 2 more years for me..LOL!
I had a wonderful time with my husband on the 29th. We went out to eat at Ruby Tuesday, which is my favorite place to eat when we have the money since it cost so much!!! I had an Asian Salmon, it was so awesome! Then we went downtown to Buffs and listened to all the drunks get up and sing kareoke..LOL! Maybe one day I will get over my stage fright and get up there(sober) and sing..LOL!

I am praying for friends that are close to me that are going through trials. I know God is in control. He will get her through this trial and all the others that may come her way.

Marielle and Jason, got their dog Ceasar back, they had to take him to the vet to get his leg fixed but he is doing well. They are still waiting on their other dog, Little Foot to come back, I pray that she will make it back. They have seen her outside a few times, I pray that she just comes home to be with a family that really loves her.

First Fire is coming up, going to go camping!!!

I cried lastnight when Joel and I talked about christmas, because I would have started to have a tummy. It hurts so bad. Lord Jesus give me the strength to get through this loss. I always thought I would never be one of the women that have miscarriages, but now I am and I believe that I will have a purpose in this world.

I do thank the Lord for giving me the opprotunity to concieve, even though I didnt carry full term, I know I will have a healthy baby one day. My Lord is awesome and gracious!